The 51st State

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We all know that President Donald Trump has the capacity to say stupid things every now and then, which is not (by the way) unique to him. Joe Biden took non compos mentis and babbling idiocy to a whole new level, and then of course there was Kamala. But I digress.

Back to Trump.

During his first administration, for instance, the dumbest things President Trump both said and did were in the early months of the Covid-19 pandemic. On April 23, 2020, during a White House coronavirus task force briefing, Trump made comments that sparked widespread mockery (deserved in my view) regarding disinfectants and their potential use against COVID-19. Trump did not explicitly mention “bleach” or “Clorox” by name in his remarks but instead spoke generally about disinfectants. He said: “And then I see the disinfectant, where it knocks it out in a minute. One minute. And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning.”

While Trump did not say that people should inject bleach or Clorox, his unclear remarks were easily and intentionally misinterpreted by the mainstream media to suggest that Trump was suggesting bleach could be used internally.

Total self-own on Trump’s part. Total “crash out” as the kids say. It was an unnecessary self-inflicted wound.

By contrast, Trump’s recent banter about making Canada the 51^st state is STUPID beyond repair—literally. Literally stupid and literally beyond repair. It’s stupid on every level, on every margin, in every way possible. It’s a total disaster.

As many of you know, The Redneck Intellectual was born and raised in the Great White North. And though he spent his early life trying to escape Canada, he still has family and friends there. And there is a rapidly diminishing element of Canadian life that he still respects.

I suppose on some deep psychological level the old adage is true: you can take the boy out of Canada, but you can’t completely take the Canada out of the boy. At the very least, The Redneck Intellectual wishes his former countrymen well.

One of his great hopes is that the long-suffering Canadian people will one day liberate themselves from their soft tyranny (gift wrapped in the famous Canadian niceness and politeness) and become a free country again, free of the creeping socialism that has been slowly destroying Canada since April 20, 1968, when the charismatic and charming Pierre Trudeau was first elected Prime Minister.

Canada was once a free society, particularly in the decades before World War II. (By the way, the great early twentieth-century American classical-liberal writer, Albert Jay Nock, once wrote a wonderful essay “Why Nature’s Way is Best”, American Magazine, July 1911 in which he suggested that the Canadian Province of Alberta was one of the freest places in the world.)

Trudeau senior was a highly- and well-educated man. He was also an articulate, clever, cunning, snappily dressed man (dashing in his own way minus the foppish red scarf), but he was ultimately a wicked man. He forever damaged Canada. It was Pierre Trudeau who introduced the Soviet-made LADA car to Canada, a sin for which he should never be forgiven.

Believe me when I tell you that there was nothing more nauseating than driving around Toronto in the late 1970s and early 1980s watching sanctimonious Canadians—and there really is nothing or no one more sanctimonious than Canadian liberals—drive their LADA vehicles dressed liked 1984 British socialists with their sturdy Doc Martin boots, their black “Sprockets” turtlenecks, their tightly cropped hair, and those silly glasses—ya know, the ones that intellectuals are supposed to wear as a part of their uniform to make them look, ya know, “intellectual”.

And then we come to Trudeau junior or Peewee Trudeau, who is self-evidently the most pathetic and cringe-inducing politician possibly in modern world history (minus, of course, the genocidal dictators, tyrants, authoritarians, mullahs, etc.).

Boy Trudeau—affectionately known in The Redneck household as “Little Justin,” or the Marcus Aurelius Antoninus of Canadian politics, has none of his father’s virtues (e.g., a decently above average IQ), and he seems to have inherited all his mother’s vices (e.g., a very low IQ). By the way, when I describe Trudeau senior as junior’s father, I simply mean the man who raised him.

Little Justin’s mother will surely go down in history as one of the silliest women to be married to the political leader of a second-tier nation. (Margaret Trudeau’s silliness rises to the level of Lydia Bennet, Elizabeth’s youngest sister in Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice.)

If you don’t believe me, please watch this breathtakingly infantile interview with Canada’s former First Lady (if “Lady” is the appropriate term). It’s really quite remarkable. Never was the wife of the Prime Minister of a British Commonwealth nation quite so pathologically featherbrained as Margaret Trudeau. No, really! Just watch the video.

But I digress—again.

Let’s get back to Trump’s call for turning Canada into the 51^st state, which is a monumentally STUPID idea and for several reasons.

First, Trump is single-handedly responsible for completely screwing up the upcoming federal election in Canada.

Pierre Poilievre and his Conservative Party had the election in the bag and “done like dinner” as my father used to say. The Tories were on cruise control on their way to a major election victory. Poilievre is the best conservative politician in Canada in at least a generation. You may have seen the following interview he did last year with a remarkably dumb left-wing reporter (but I repeat myself) during which he was eating and apple at the same time that he was turning the reporter into apple sauce. It’s maybe the best single interview with a politician that I’ve ever seen (excepting Lady Thatcher).

Betting odds now are that the Liberals and their new leader, Mark Carney, are on their way to winning Canada’s upcoming federal election. Carney will be a disaster for Canada. He’s shares all of Trudeau’s ideological and political policies but with this difference: he has none of Margaret Trudeau’s vices (genetic or acquired). If Carney wins the election, Canada is finished. There will be no coming back for Canada. It will be gone. It will have reached its final dénouement on its way into a postmodern, New Age, socialist hell hole.

Second, and most importantly, why in hell would the United States of America want Canada as its 51^st state?

Even if Trump were kidding, which he was not, this is a NEXT LEVEL stupid comment, and for the following very simple reason: WE DON’T WANT CANADA TO BE A PART OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA BECAUSE IT WOULD RUIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. That’s why!!! (Never mind the natural and obvious fact that Canadians don’t want to be a part of the United States.)

Name one thing that Canada currently produces that America would want so badly that it would commit suicide for. Just one. Canada once had the best coffee and donuts in the world but no longer. Canada once had some of the best beer in the world but no longer. Canada once had the best hockey in the world but no longer. Canada had some of the best comedians in the world (e.g., Dan Ackroyd, John Candy, Eugene Levy, Mike Meyers, Norm Macdonald, Martin Short, and Jim Carrey) but no longer.

All of that which was once good about Canadian culture is now dead or dying. Toronto is increasingly becoming a freakishly dystopian hell-scape. (When I was visiting last year, the LADA was replaced by BMW-driving effete men sitting very upright in their vehicles with nicely manicured beards and wearing masks!!!)

And then of course there are Canadian women, many of whom come very close to approaching Australian-level “Karens” in their capacity for tut-tutting obnoxiousness (my mother, aunt, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, my wife’s friends, and the wives of a few remaining Canadian friends being obvious exceptions to the rule).

There’s more.

Let’s say for argument’s sake that Trump is serious and revives the old nineteenth-century American “54-40 or Fight” policy to acquire Canada. (For the Gen Z’ers out there, Grok says this about the policy: “54-40 or Fight” was a rallying cry during the Oregon boundary dispute between the United States and Britain in the 1840s. It referred to the U.S. claim to the Oregon Territory up to the latitude of 54 degrees, 40 minutes north—roughly the southern boundary of Russian Alaska—encompassing all of what is now Oregon, Washington, Idaho, parts of Montana and Wyoming, and much of British Columbia. The slogan emerged during the 1844 U.S. presidential election, championed by Democratic candidate James K. Polk, who campaigned on an aggressive expansionist platform against Britain’s competing claim to the region.)”

Here's the best-case scenario: Let’s say that Canada, the whole country—a country geographically larger than then United States with 42 million people and 32 million voting-age citizens—becomes the 51^st state. That means that 32 million Canadians, the majority of whom are liberal-socialist, will vote in American congressional and presidential elections. Thirty or so congressman will be added to the House of Representatives and two will be added to the Senate. Over time, 32 million liberal socialists voting in American elections will convert America into a liberal-socialist nation.

Furthermore, you can’t really have a country geographically larger than the United States with 42 million people as one state. The more likely scenario is that the ten Canadian provinces (and possibly 12 provinces if you convert the Northwest and Yukon Territories into states) will add 20-24 seats in the U.S. Senate. Only Alberta is conservative, which means that you would be adding 18-24 liberal-socialist seats to the U.S. Senate and a guaranteed liberal-socialist president, which means that the Supreme Court will become thoroughly liberal-socialist in ideological orientation.

Is that what you want MAGA America?

Tragically, there is nothing Donald Trump can do or say now to undo what he said and the effects of what he said.

President Trump: Read My Lips:

“YOU SCREWED UP.”

I urge you to buy 30 seconds of Canadian television air time and deliver a “Canada State of the Union Address” in which you say,

“Ha, ha, ha! Just kidding, Canada. We love you. We’re dropping all tariffs on Tim Horton’s coffee and donuts and all Canadian beer. We will also extend the Snowbird Specials for all Canadian seniors vacationing in Florida during Spring Break.”

Canadians are a proud people but with a serious inferiority complex when it comes to the United States. For God’s sake, Mr. Trump, just leave them alone. Seriously. They’ve been screwing themselves for the last 50 years. No need for us to pile on.

Canada is not worth our time, at least not until it can become a free society again, which is now not possible because YOU, Donald J. Trump, said something embarrassingly asinine that will prevent Canadians from Making Canada Free Again!