A MODEST PROPOSAL

or how to keep Mrs. Redneck happy in a few easy steps

The Redneck Intellectual opened its doors 4.5 years ago.

During that time, Mr. Redneck has consistently produced a high volume of weekly content (e.g., “Dumb & Dumber” and “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly”), and, most importantly, a 5,000+ word essay every other week. Not too bad for a guy with a day job!

This service is provided to you free of charge in a well-appointed email delivered promptly and directly into your inbox every Tuesday at exactly 12:01 pm. (Of course, the one time when I’m late in getting my email to you (i.e. today) is the day that I announce that I always get it to you at exactly 12:01 pm!)

Where else on the internet can you get this kind of service? And when you attack The Redneck Intellectual in the “Comments” section, he is always polite and respectful in response. Do you remember how he responded to all the BAP Boys (here, here, here, and here), to all the Antifa-ites who attacked him for his essays on Jonathan Yudelman (here and here), and, most especially, to all the golfers who viciously attacked him after he ranked golf as a “recreational activity” rather than as a real sport (here)?

But, to paraphrase Herb Stein: “What can’t go on forever, won’t.” The truth of the matter is that he’s tired and is running on fumes. He’s not sure there is another ounce of energy left in the tank to do more.

The Redneck Intellectual therefore asks with humility and gratitude if you would consider becoming a paid subscriber to The Redneck Intellectual.

There will be lots of great content coming down the pike from The Redneck Intellectual. After he finishes his current series on the selfishness vs. selflessness problem, he will do a series of highly controversial essays on marriage. These essays will break the internet—promise!—and they may require that The Redneck Intellectual consider hiring a security detail, which, well, will cost some money. (My last security detail of Brazilian body guards were quite excellent and inexpensive.)

The Redneck Intellectual also plans to start doing more homemade videos! Here’s his first attempt at pretending to say something semi-interesting. Here are The Redneck Intellectual’s “Deep Thoughts” on the natural law vs. the law of nature filmed outside in the wee hours of the night during a bout of insomnia. Click on full screen for full affect. (Seriously, where else on the internet or on X will you find this kind of exhilarating content?)

Four Reasons Why You Might Consider Becoming a Paid Subscriber to The Redneck Intellectual

Justice: Think about it this way: The Redneck Intellectual has been delivering a weekly truckload of free content to 95% of the unpaid subscribers at The Redneck Intellectual for the last several years. He now writes to ask if you would consider trading this content for $5 per month, $50 per year, or $200 per year for the premium deluxe edition. It’s a pretty darn good deal.

Motivation: Your financial support is motivational MORAL support. To be honest, the money is so little that it means virtually nothing. It’s purely symbolic and motivating. The Redneck Intellectual is NOT getting rich from his relatively small paid subscriber base. Your modest financial support will provide him with the emotional rocket fuel to push on, to work harder for his paying subscribers.

Guilt: If you’ve been a regular consumer of The Redneck Intellectual and haven’t hit the tip jar, maybe—just maybe—you should feel kinda-sorta a tad guilty as sin! Guilt is your conscience saying, “I know what the right thing to do is, but for whatever reason I haven’t done it yet.” Never live with guilt. Guilt is a form of psychological cancer. It’s a destructive force. Purge your guilt and live a guilt free life. To quote an old TV commercial from the 1970s, “Try it, you’ll like it.” A paid subscription will make you feel better. Promise.

Love: As some of you know, Mrs. Redneck is a long-suffering wife. She is a virtual widow but for her monthly date night when Mr. Redneck splurges and she’s treated to a succulent #1 Sandwich Meal at the local Chick-fil-A (with fries and a medium drink), which is sponsored by paid subscribers of The Redneck Intellectual. Would you agree that unpaid subscribers owe a debt of gratitude to Mrs. Redneck? She puts no demands on him so that he may serve you. Many of you know Mrs. Redneck personally, and all of you who do like her a lot more than you like Mr. Redneck. Here's how your investment will be spent: Mr. Redneck is proposing to increase the number of date nights with Mrs. Redneck at Chick-fil-A from once a month to once a week. He’s also proposing to splurge and get her the fabulous Chick-fil-A ice cream cone every other week. Surely, she deserves that much!

Would you PLEASE consider becoming a paid subscriber as a way of telling Mrs. Redneck that you appreciate her suffering and that her time away from Mr. Redneck is worth it! Make Mrs. Redneck the happiest girl in the world! She deserves Chick-fil-A once a week—NO?

And if you’re looking for something to read . . .

My two newest books . . .

My best book . . .

My first book . . .

My most controversial book . . .

My most personal book . . .